March 7, 2023 (Worm Moon)
This was another fun one! The only things on the Altar were a white cloth with a bottle of beer and an old axe. For cakes and ale we had Moon Pies served on a hubcap covered in aluminum foil and Tire Biter Ale.
Redneck Esbat 2000
CAST CIRCLE
(done with a hand clap 'wave' clockwise around the circle)
Down by the banks of the Hanky Panky, where the Bullfrogs jump from bank to banky - North, East, South then West, Circle round and seal the rest!!
QUARTER CALL
Spirit of the North, Ancient One of Earth - Bubba we call to you. Ya’ll come on down now an witness this hare shindig!! Bring with you that there Possum you got. Enter our circle and be blessed!
Spirit of the East, Ancient One of Air - WindyLou we call to you. Ya’ll come on down now an witness this hare jamboree!! Bring with you that there Chicken you got. Enter our circle and be blessed!
Spirit of the South, Ancient One of Fire - Cleatus we call to you. Ya’ll come on down now an witness this hare wingding!! Bring with you that there Armadillo you got. Enter our circle and be blessed!
Spirit of the West, Ancient One of Water - Bertha we call to you. Ya’ll come on down now an witness this hare bash!! Bring with you that there Trout you got. Enter our circle and be blessed!
ANOINT
UNITE ENERGIES
INVOCATION
Light the Goddess candle
HPS: I call upon the blessed Lady, Queen of Country, giver of life and plenty since way back when. Reba, we ask that you bestow upon us your joy and beauty, power and prosperity. Join your energies with us tonight!
Light the God candle
HP: I call upon the blessed Lord, King of Country, giver of riches and protection since way back when. Garth, we ask that you bestow upon us your strength and laughter, power and prosperity. Join your energies with us tonight!
WORKING
You might be a Red-Necked Pagan if…
If your ceremonial garb consists of cut-offs and a tube top
If you think a "family tradition" is a dating club
If you've reached the 3rd degree but not the 3rd grade
If your coven's secret names for God & Goddess are "Reba" and "Garth"
If your ceremonial chalice says "I love you man" on it
If you consider chewing tobacco to be a sacred herb
If your Circle Casting includes the words "Hanky Panky"
If your Coven chose it's High Priest during a belching contest
If they chose their High Priestess at a wet t-shirt night
If your anointing oil smells like "Old Spice"
If your outdoor circle has defunct washing machines for quarter altars,
If the cakes & ale are done with a bowie-knife, a can of beer and moon pies
If your pantheon includes Bubba, WindyLou, Cleatus, & Bertha
If your ritual music has ever included Johnny Cash singing "Ring of Fire"
If you think the Wiccan Rede is good for making twig furniture
If your altar cloth says "Holiday Inn" or "Howard Johnson's"
If your Goddess picture has staples in her belly button
If your God statue looks like Elvis Presley
If you have ever written a spell on the back of a Denny's menu
If you have ever cancelled a Coven meeting to watch wrestling on TV
If you’ve ever sold on E-Bay a potato that looked like the Willendorf Goddess
If you’ve ever cast a love spell on livestock
RITE
HP: Let it be known that no man is greater than any woman
HPS: And that no woman should ever question her man!!
HP: For when one stays out late drinkin all night
HPS: The other should remain home a’cookin and a’cleanin
HP: As the Athame is to the male.
HPS: The Chalice is to the female.
HP: In affirmation of fulfillment to come.
HPS: In celebration of the balance.
BOTH: And the union of the life-force within!
CAKES & ALE
All that we do is in service and in honor to the Elvis and Reba. May we never hunger - May we never thirst. So Mote It Be!
RELEASE
Bubba, WindyLou, Cleatus, & Bertha we thank you for your presence here and we release you to return to your journey with our love. We bid you well as you depart, may there be peace between us. May you always Blessed Be.
OPEN CIRCLE
HPS: May those who guide us with their light, protect us in the dark and walk beside us on the roads traveled. This Circle is Open but unbroken, Elvis has left the building!
HP: Ya’ll come back now, y’hear!!
Go Mbeannaigh
(Gaelic, Ireland - Blessed Be)
Sonqongi Apukuna Wak'aychasunkiku
(Quechua, Peru - May the Heart of the Mountain bless you)
Xut Kala Xetl
(Tlingit, Alaska - Blessed Be)
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